Friday:

Actually, it's Saturday.  I'm a day behind again.  Yesterday was our day off and I went with Paul, Bob (contractor) and Tom Sawyer (missionary).  We went to the market, and the heat, congestion and smells really got to me.  So Paul bought me a 7-Up and I sat in an air conditioned store across the street.  They were very kind to me.

But that did me in for the day.  We walked around the post office a little, and by the time I got back to Tom's house I was going thrugh heat exhaustion all over again (I learn later that this was not heat exhaustion at all.)  They put me in a tub of cold water with ice on my forehead.  My breathing got very strained and I was very lightheaded.  I honestly thought I was dying.  I was very scared.

Then the Lod seemed to ask why I was scared.Wasn't I willing to die for Him?  Nobly I prayed, "Of course I'd die for you, Lord, except I've got a wife and two kids at home."  How noble.

But ringing in my ears (figuratively) were my own words, "I'd die for you, EXCEPT..."  By now they're driving me to a clinicand I'm realizing, just as my ministry was a higher priority in my life than Jesus, so was my family.  "I'm willing to die for you, EXCEPT..."

But the Lord seemed to ask, "What if that's what I ask of you? Will you go praising or cursing?"

I realized I had to lay my family on thr altar of my heart and offer them back to the Lord.  I was laying on my bed in the clinic crying, and the doctor thought I was missing my familywhen in fact they are tears of repentance and joy as I let God set my priorities straight.

I never really was in any risk of dying, but the Lord used that fear to teach me a lot.  And Paul, Bob and Tom were so kind.

The doctor on our team says what I had was a panic attack.  Again, I don't know if that is completely true, but when she said it I realized I do get anxious whenever I feel out of control.  Perhaps the last idol to be smashed is this need to be in control in order to feel secure- in a word "self".

At dinner, Larry told me the kids miss me.  He said what I do is important because I am the laughingstock of the team.  I think what he means is I'm the one who makes people laugh!

Every day I look at Sue, Jona-Lynn, and Naomi's pictures.  I'll see them in a week!  Thank you, Lord.