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Judgment Day

Jun 01 2011

JUDGMENT DAY (REVISED)

JESUS:  When the Son of Man comes in His glory, and all His angels with Him, He shall sit on His glorious throne, and He will separate the people one from another as a shepherd separates the sheep from the goats.

ME:  So this is it.  This is the day you open up the Book of Life, and find MY name.  Go ahead, I’m ready.

JESUS:  I was hungry, and you gave me nothing to eat.  I was thirsty and you gave me nothing to drink.

ME:  Uh, Lord, are you still sore about that?  You need to let this go.  You remember the problem.  That weekend I was invited to be part of the church’s soup kitchen ministry was the same weekend the Christian TV network was having a Left Behind marathon.  I wanted to understand everything there was to know about your Judgment Day.  What could feeding the homeless possibly have to do with Judgment Day?

JESUS:  I was naked, and you did not clothe me.

ME:  Are you referring to the fund raiser for the poor in Central America.  I wanted to donate, you know, but money was tight right then.  I didn’t have enough for that and my tattoo.  Want me to show you my tattoo… uh, maybe not.  But it’s OK, ‘cause it’s a Christian tattoo.  It’s a dove with the reference…. Leviticus 19:35.  That’s the one that says… Uh, it talks about, um… it’s the verse about, uh, God or something.  You should know, you wrote it!  Anyway, it’s an expensive tattoo, and I couldn’t afford  both.

JESUS:  I was a stranger and you did not invite me in.

ME:  Yeah, I remember that teen in our church who needed to get out of his home for a while.  Sure, we could have let him stay with us, but it’s risky letting someone like him into your house.  What if he stole my ipod, or my laptop, or even my solid gold cross necklace with diamond chips on each end.  How could I witness effectively if he had stolen my solid gold cross necklace with diamond chips on each end.

JESUS:  I was sick and in prison and you did not visit me.

ME:  Lord, come on now.  We’ve been over this and over this.  That missions trip to the AIDS orphanage in Africa was very poorly timed.  It fell at the same time as Glenn Beck’s big rally in Washington DC.  Who could possibly represent You better to the world than Glenn Beck.  It didn’t hurt that Sarah Palin was there, too.  Remember when she looked into the TV camera and winked right at me!  Uh… where were we?  Oh, right, hi Lord.

JESUS:  I was hooked on drugs, and you watched the addiction kill me; I was an unborn child, and you let me get aborted; I was in a cult, and you let me die believing a lie.

ME:  Now Lord, I happen to know this passage of Scripture you’re quoting; I memorized it in Sunday School.  And there’s not a single reference to abortion, drugs or cults.  You shouldn’t put your own interpretation into the Scriptures like that!  Have you been reading the Message?

JESUS:  Depart from me, I never knew you.

ME:  Now come on, Lord.  Remember all those weekends I gave up for retreats; the money I spent on Christian concerts.  And it wasn’t all Christian rock, either.  I even had some CDs by George Beverly Shea.

(JESUS SHAKES HEAD ‘NO’)

ME:  Not even for George Beverly Shea… I should have known a man named Beverly was suspect!  Well what about my car?  Remember my ‘Honk if you Love Jesus’ bumper sticker and my ‘Psalm 23’ vanity license plate?  What could be more godly than a vanity license plate.  Send someone down there to bring up my car.  Send an angel like Gabriel, or Michael Landon, or John Travolta…

JESUS:  Depart  from me, I never knew you.

ME:  Hey, but…

JESUS:  Depart from me, I never knew you!

 And these shall go away into eternal punishment, and the righteous into eternal life.

 

 

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